Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
