from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
