Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
