Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
