I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
