But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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