Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
