We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
