Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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