Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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