She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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