i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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