WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
