Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
