Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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