he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
