I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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