I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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