Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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