i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
