No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
