just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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