I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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