She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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