we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
