I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
