I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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