if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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