Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
