he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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