So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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