guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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