I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
