I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think people are normalizing furries
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
