im holly from the hills drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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