She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
