Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Pants are for mortals
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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