it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
