just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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