If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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