waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
