He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
