I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
