Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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