Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
