1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
