Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
