You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
