So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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