she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
