3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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