have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
