He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
