Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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