god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
