I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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