Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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