And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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