When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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