I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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