Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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