yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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