shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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