I think i sorta joined a cult last night
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
