I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
